The gift of Giving

I found myself insulted on Christmas morning when I unwrapped my gift given to me by my mother. The gift itself (Old Navy jeans that fit my ass like a glove) did not insult me; it was the passive aggressive comment from my mother that accompanied the gift: "I really can't stand your jeans. They're all tattered and sloppy. So I bought you jeans." And, I wouldn't have an issue with this... if it hadn't been Christmas. You wanna send me a hint and buy me nicer pair of jeans - that doesn't bother me - EXCEPT ON CHRISTMAS - Where we celebrate a season of giving, as in denying our own thoughts, as in we give people a little bit more of what they want and say a little less about what we think. Christmas is the perfect time to shut ourselves up by filling out mouths with home cookin' and candy. After all, always telling people exactly what you think (whether or not they asked to hear your unbridled opinion) is exhausting. Everyone should take a holiday from excessive "here's what I think you need." How about you get people something they really need for change, like an open ear...

Now my mother is a saint, and still has no idea, nor can even fathom that a I would find her gift giving insulting. See to me, it's about choices. My mother's choice of a gift kinda ticks me off. My mother could have chose to buy me a slew (yes, a slew) of other things that would have made me ecstatic. I'm so easy - buy me something, anything I want: Milkduds, Dr. Pepper, gift cards or any other reasons to buy stuff on someone else's tab, anything artistic, anything having to do with fitness, any kind of music, movies, or pop culture - I'm like the easiest person to shop for. My only request - that you buy my gift with the thought that I actually will want your gift.

We, as humans, do this all the time: insult each other without meaning to do so. Because in our heads, we believe we have awesome ideas - and everyone should listen. And so we talk at people, never paying attention to if anyone cares about what we're saying, or if we're even saying or doing anything relevant. Have you ever heard yourself talk? Chances are that most of time, you are the most interested in what you have to say. Which is fine - I love hearing myself gab. My friends are really great because they just let me talk on and on and on. But there comes a point that we need to realize that other people need to be heard too. And this doesn't only apply to using words. How often are we so busy that we aren't paying attention to the people in our lives? We've got so much going on in our heads, we don't pay attention to people's body language and attitude towards life. We misread other's depression as they're being tired, or decide that because they walk and talk happy, it must be true. We are a self-involved species - ever declaring ourselves kings of a kingdom we can't fully grasp or control (see: Hurricane Katrina and/or Noah's Flood). I believe it to be a human condition to want the most out of life, but in doing so, we step over each other in the process - as if living life is a race we can win or lose. And while, it may be possible to triumph or fail in the game of life, it's wise to realize you need not step over or "beat" anybody else to do it.

So, here's to choosing to love your fellow (wo)man. Here's to trying to be better listener's. Here's to giving people the gifts they actually want. Here's to being selfish to demand what you want (Milkduds, Dr. Pepper, and gift cards) and selfless enough to give up a part of yourself on behalf of others (it's ok mom - I forgive you, my jeans do fit my ass like a glove...)

Motivation

I have a confession.

When "The Secret" was released (the national phenomenon declaring that one can "think" themselves to a better life), I immediately took to it. Oprah did not have to tell me twice that what goes on in the mind manifests itself into reality. I want to be a big deal in my career - I have big dreams - so this was something I took to.

However, how I came to receive "The Secret" is a bit twilight zone. I actually received the DVD months before it's national coverage. In September of 2006, I was waiting tables in Salt Lake City to supplement the income I was getting from studying underneath a modern dance company based out there. (This income being zilch). I spent one particular week waiting on a gentleman in SLC for business. During this week, I waited on him about four or five times. So we got to talking about life, what he did for a living, his family, his education, and why I was in SLC so far from Texas and future plans to take over the dance world, and the day before he left, (in addition to giving me a great tip), he left me a blank purple DVD. He said, "I can tell you're going to take to this - this will help you get anything you could ever want." I'm a bit of a cynic, so while I thanked him for my gift, I ended up throwing it on my desk, never looked at it again.

Fast forward. It is now half a year later, the first week in March 2007, and I'm making plans to audition for "The Show". One afternoon, I'm at the house killing time, and I see Oprah's episode on "The Secret". Halfway through the show, my DVD player arrives from Texas. (Up until this point, it had been in storage at my folk's place). I go upstairs to hook up my DVD player to watch TROY and instead I end up stumbling upon the blank DVD that the gentleman gave me back in October. I watch it - it turns out to be "The Secret. At this time, I'm in the middle of dreaming really big things for myself. We are now in the cusp of 2008 - and it's been quite the year. If I never voice it publicly again: I am very grateful to Rhonda Byrne for putting together "The Secret" and to Oprah for supporting it.

You're catching me on a high. I just discovered that auditions for "The Show" have been published and that there will be auditions in Mid-January in Dallas. Finally, after months of drudgery and running on the corporate hamster wheel - I can put my efforts into something that doesn't encourage chain smoking to make me feel better. Finally, a justifiable reason to go to the gym and puke during my work out. I'm all about lighting a fire under my own ass, and I am super stoked about this audition - and if I blow it, who the f@!# cares - I'll just go the LA audition in March. And if that doesn't work I'll just go to the SLC audition in April. Whether I'm on "The Show" or not, those people are going to know who I am and what I'm about - let the hostile take over of the dance world begin!!

Ode to the Coporate Hamster

Previously, I mentioned that I work for a company that specializes in outsourcing. About that job: I f*ing hate it. I am now a corporate hamster. I go to work 9 to 5 (actually 7am to 4pm), sit in front of a computer all day, answering the phone calls of people who are too lazy to read policy information about the companies they work for. And normally, I would be fine with that - who has time to read the company's "how to be a great employee manual" - I don't read up on my own company's policy. It happens - everyone's too busy for that shit. However, if you're going to call to inquire about company policy you can actually read for yourself, don't be a jackass. Be direct, take some responsibility as the lazy (or as we call it in America, "busy") employee you are. I'd be fine if everyone brought a "tell me what I need to know and I'll be done with it" attitude to the table. But I take over 75 calls a day - and I can tell you people tend to be a bit more "but I don't know what to do - fix my problems. This is so unfair, why does this always happen to me?" After you clock over 1,000 phone calls of people bitching and moaning - it's kind of hard not to roll your eyes at yet another "woe is me" case, for a mistake that could easily be fixed if people would just read company policy.

I took this job (with many reservations and much hesitation) because I needed a "real" job to gather up the money and resources to buy a car. We've talked about my car troubles, but none of that compares to not having a car at all. In 2007, I have spent most of the year (in Texas) without a mode of transportation. Since I need to be quite mobile to pursue the dream, I needed to come up with something that would enable me to get a car. This is why I sold my soul to Coporate America. So glad I'm about to ditch this job....

And you can bet your ass I am going to ditch this job in early 2008. Why? Because life's way too short to play hamster. I've heard stories about people who do the daily grind. They get up, they go to work, they come home, they go to sleep - they spend their weekends in a drunken stupor or watching the clock tick closer and closer to Monday morning. I have now been living that life for nine months. NINE MONTHS. Someone turn around and go ask any mother how long nine months can feel. Nine months - the length of time children take to pass a grade in school. Nine months - the length of time some people take to plan a friggin wedding. Nine freakin' months - the length of time it takes to grow a fetus and push it out into the world. Nine months of scheduled breaks, one hour power lunches, and endless reports. I often look in the mirror and say to myself (out loud), "When did this become my life?"

Except, it's actually not that bad because I'm ditching. I have a dance gig lined up in March with a ballet company. It's kind of like a guest artist thing - I'm just going to perform duet for a mentor of mine with her star pupil in the company. In 2008, I'll be going to the gym and dancing six days a week - polishing up for my potential Hollywood debut. What I do now is just a time filler; I'm just being patient. What kills me though, is how people do the corporate runaround for years on end. No one at my office looks happy or seems to feel purpose. It just looks like a job to all these guys (as it is). But what about doing your life's work? What about doing what you love for pay? How do you sell yourself short in order to pay the bills? What's the point of paying any bills if you're going to be unhappy?

Some members of my family celebrated me getting the corporate job. Basically, I guess they are happy because now I'll settle down, and now I have benefits and a bit of stability. I guess in their minds, this is why I went to college - I have finally arrived. WRONG. I have my bachelor's in dance because I want to own a dance marketing firm, agency, and performance troupe. I did not go to school to be anyone's bitch, and I'm quick to point out to my peers if they themselves are selling out their souls in the name of stability. I'm generally a nice guy: I don't mind helping old ladies with their groceries, I brake for animals, and I apparently can't get a girl interested in me because of my lack of a "bad boy" side (nice guy syndrome). However, nothing infuriates me more than people who don't believe in themselves. And if you ever get to know me, do not make the costly mistake of inferring I'm not capable of doing what I said I would do - (these come in the form of: "you sure have big dreams", "when are you going to settle down", "don't expect too much - you don't want to be disappointed"). I have a special finger for you people - like I have said before, there are many ways to give somebody the finger. Simply living your life can be one of the most effective ways of doing it.

I am reading The 4 Hour Workweek by Timothy Ferris. I find it fascinating because he provides a template for people to pick up their lives and ditch to pursue whatever their dream is. As you can see, I'm all about that. I apparently have no empathy for those stuck on the hamster wheel. I don't have sympathy for those who hurt themselves bumping up against the glass ceiling. To me, it's about going all in, whatever it takes, whatever blood and sweat you can muster to find and then do what you love. Here's to jumping of the cliff in 2008.

The Ethics of Outsourcing

In Robert Greene's book, The 48 Laws of Power, I remember reading one of his "laws of power" with a fair amount of ethical turbulence: Get other people to do all the work. Take all the credit. Needless to say, I was rightfully uncomfortable at the idea that I would get someone else to do what I could do, and then turn around and stamp my name on it. I imagine my first line of thought was, "Do people actually do this?" My discovery: people do it, ethically, all the time.

In it's most basic context, this is such a self serving rule. It almost seems to promote ruthless behavior. Whatever happened to humility, or giving someone their due? I'm sure even now, righteous people are picking up stones to throw at Greene for even thinking such a thought. But Greene isn't unethical - he's smart. As one of his laws of power, he describes the basic idea around outsourcing. Think about it: you can spend your time and money a number of ways. So, you decide to spend your time and your money capitalizing on someone elses talent.

Let's take for example that you have the desire to have an immaculate home. Let us say, your desire is that at any given moment, anybody, from your boss to your family, could drop by and they would find themselves amidst the middle of a Pottery Barn catalog. I know for me, I'd really dig it if I had a master bachelor pad. You come to my house, I want it to be like you step into Christian Troy's apartment from Nip/Tuck. What would it take to make our housing dreams a reality? Well for one, it would take a kick ass interior designer. I have good taste, as I'm sure so do you - but I don't decorate houses for a living. They do. Let someone who knows what their doing turn my house into a gem. Number two, I'm gonna need someone to clean that bitch. I'm sure things would be a lot more "sparkly" if I committed to hiring a maid. I'm generally clean, but come on - we could all benefit from a maid - especially if we're intent on showcasing our home. I don't need to get into all the other services one could hire to make their "immaculate home" a reality. When you have guests over to this "immaculate home", when they voice, "I just love what you've done with your place", do you think it's appropriate to harp on the process of getting that home in order? ( Heck no!) Nobody wants to hear about what goes into the pretty picture. This is the basic idea behind outsourcing. Other people do the work, sometimes remaining completely invisible, and other people who had the work done for them, take all the credit.

As I said, people do it all the time. Currently, I work for a company who specializes in outsourcing. When this company obtains a client, the service they provide to this client is that they generate a human resource department. As a general rule, companies keep human resource departments to manage the employees; this department oversees health benefits (like visits to your local std clinic), finances (like paychecks - gotta have money to party with), leaves of absence (like trips to Ft. Lauderdale and time spent pushing kids out of your vagina ), and of course employee relations (see: how to get your boss fired.) The company I work for stays invisible - most of the employees of our clients have no idea we exist as their human resource department. We do all the work, our clients take all the credit. This is Greene's law in full effect.

It is important to note that the most powerful people on the planet are masters at outsourcing. This week alone, I have seen Oprah attach her name to Mitch Albom's For One More Day (a fantastic book that was made into a so-so primetime tv movie), Barack Obama's campaign for presidency, and Denzel Washington's new directorial/acting masterpiece The Great Debaters. This woman is f**ing brilliant - she basically outsources her name. These are other people's projects - and generally, they're well-produced, emotionally-evoking projects - but they weren't built to serve as a platform for the big O. With some invested time and money into each project, she somehow manages to attach her name to these projects, and in a sense, walks away with a major piece of the credit. In some light, that could be morally and ethically wrong, but in the right light - not only is it smart for Oprah, it's smart for each project. Oprah isn't the only one getting by on someone elses credit. Obama is getting by on Oprah's credibility (and hopefully it'll be enough to convince people he's worth truly considering for presidency). The movie The Great Debaters is Denzel's Washington's second directorial work. Even for the great Denzel, it sure doesn't hurt to throw in, "Oprah produced it". And for Mitch Albom (also the author of The Five People You Meet In Heaven), it's not like his book sales are hurting, but then again, it's not like riding on the coat tails of Harpo Productions does any damage either. All of it is a game: who gets credit for whom and who utilizes whom for what . (say that three times fast).

So I think it best to keep an open minded about things that come off immoral and unethical. You never know, one day, if you become a boss (wo)man, and you can afford a CRIB (reference to MTV), and a guest at an event you throw says, "I love your place" - you might find yourself chuckling to yourself, "Thank God for outsourcing."

Blog Credo

I originally began this blog because I wanted to freewrite. Currently, I have been blabbing on and on about different aspects of living: "gray" area, how to use time to your advantage, how to live effectively - but as I look back at the beginnings of this blog (that no one even reads... yet) I come off so stoic and philosophical and yes, that may be a quality of my character, but I feel it so much more appropriate to convey my quirky perspective on living from here on out. So... here goes.

The first thing I will tell you when you meet me in person is that I am a professionally trained dancer. I have previously mentioned that pretty much everybody flipped when I decided to switch from writer to dancer. My mother did her best to feign support while unknowingly transmitting an endless showcase of worry in the stability of my life and career in performance art. My dad flat out said switching from writing to dancing would bite me in the ass. These days, they are much supportive, which is good because I'm big on the idea that my life choices are my life choices. There are many ways to give the finger to someone, and sometimes being true to what you want is one of them. I have a great relationship with the parents (though my upbringing is rocky and drama filled - see: primetime television) - but I have made it known: what I do, what I say, what I believe, who I bring home, and everything else I decide is my choice. I understand all adults inherently know this. I also understand that people often dictate their lives on what others think. See: people who get married too young for the wrong reasons.

I put myself through college. To be completely honest, I did about 90% of the work. The other 10% came from my family. The first semester my mom helped me out with a parent loan and sporadic money to cushion my college reality, and my dad helped me out hooking my up with a wedding disc jockey job and a car. This is where I tell you I spent 50% of college without a vehicle, not due to lack of effort. I had car trouble multiple times and when I finally bought a new care this past November, all my family and friends congratulated me on my perseverance. I have so many "and then my car broke down" stories; that subject alone could carry this blog. My first "and then my car broke down" is a real gem of a story though.

I went to college with a car. When I was driving home for Christmas my freshman year, I fell asleep at the wheel. Apparently, working two jobs and taking a full load of hours your first semester in college makes you very tired. No matter how eager one might be to visit home, sometimes it just works in your favor not to travel through your exhaustion. Did it matter that I hadn't been home since I started college? Not to my body. Did it matter that I desperately wanted to recuperate from the intense life I was completely unprepared to handle? Not so much. The back of my eyelids didn't care one bit when they grew heavy and shut while driving 75 miles an hour. I still remember crashing into the construction sign on the median and swerving back across the road to face traffic in the ditch of the shoulder off the side of the road. As I quickly climbed out the window (because my door was wrenched shut), I remember thinking, "this doesn't feel at all like it looks like it should feel in the movies." I waited for my car to explode, but all it did was die. For weeks, everyone (friends and family) poked fun at me for being stupid enough to fall asleep at the wheel. Still to this day, whenever I do a road trip (as I love to "do" road trips), someone will say with a chuckle, "Don't fall asleep at the wheel" as if it is some clever joke. Like that's something people aim to live through more than once. I often wonder if they were paying attention, if they would notice that my eyes give my internal reply which usually goes something like this, "Very funny asshole. Did they teach you that clever quip in college? Oh wait, you haven't received your Bachelor's yet? Well ok, let's make a deal. You can continue to imply I'm stupid for falling asleep at the wheel while putting myself through school, and I'll insinuate you're a moron because you haven't graduated college... with honors. How's that sound?"

People often mistake my ditziness for stupidity, ignorance, and naivete. I do hope that trend continues - No one ever believes the stupid guy is planning a hostile takeover of a company. (Not that I would ever plan such a thing.)

This is just one example of the twisted life I'm leading. I am often told that watching me live my life is like watching a movie. That kind of strikes me as weird, but I guess it's better than being told that watching me is like watching CelebReality television on VH1. I don't mind if my life has that "Lifetime TV movie of the weekend" ring to it. In the end, I'm just a guy trying to get a decent job. Apparently, I plan on being a star. What can I say, that's what I see myself doing. Interestingly enough, I plan on owning a couple businesses, people do it all the time. So I'm part artist, part businessman. As far as a living goes, at 23, I'm thinking, I'm off to a decent start....

On Strategy

"To understand a strategy on its highest, most abstract level can only filter down and make everything else make more sense." - Robert Greene

I realize that I am at my best when I get into a highly strategic mode. I think it might be true about everyone. Whether it is making a decision to go with the flow, or making the choice to color between the lines, it has become my belief that living life in a strategic way is the most effective way to live one's life.

On my roadtrip, I gave a lot of thought to effective living. How do you live an effective life? What is the definition of an effective life? I imagine that being able to do what you love and make money off of it is a facet of effective living. I believe that the ability to maintain balance, no matter the situation or circumstance, lends itself to effective living. I would say that if you connect well with the people in your universe - whether it's that you get along with the family, whether you're an asset to your boss, or whether you make a valuable friend - then you definitely aim to live an effective life. A lot of people have something to say on this: Joel Osteen, Oprah, Michael Moore, the cast and crew of "The Secret", and on and on. Everyone is so quick to point out WHAT effective living is. Inversely, people like to leave out HOW to live effectively. Methinks it's because people are full of bullshit and don't know how. It's easy to create a nice picture: "Through the law of attraction, anything you want can be yours. Heaven can open it's windows and pour down its blessings." It's much harder to go around saying, "Oh yeah, you can have whatever you want - as long as you fight hard for it and refuse to give up on it, even if the world does fuck you sidewards (without any lube) in the process."

My clever answer to "the how"? It's strategy. If we know that greatness is not accident - if we understand that success, whether personal or professional, is not an accident - then shouldn't we all be making a study out of all things strategic. Through strategy, many black slaves, made their way to freedom, via the Underground Railroad. Through strategy, many Olympians have found a gold medal in their clutches. Through strategy, a small group of men, no bigger than a high school boys choir, laid a plan to crash airplanes into the World Trace Center Towers. . Inversely, a lack of strategy led to the defeat at Chancellorsville (a turning point for The North during the American Civil War). A lack of strategy might cause you to say things you never intended to when you're angry at a loved one. I hold a lack of strategy responsible for many of the things that go wrong that are "out of our control." Through lack of strategy, terror and chaos have run rampant in this country. We still haven't recovered.

I am a dancer, thereby an artist. I am all for expression and interpretation. However, I am also a strategist. I want to have a successful career, I want a successful life. It takes effort. It takes strategy. Whether I am planning to be on a television near you, or I am planning on choreographing a future opening ceremony of The Olympics - I'm still planning. Here's to strategy. It takes precedence whether you acknowledge it or not. For people who don't believe in it, who want to opt out of the calculating and ruthless game of life - I have a word for you: Not participating is just simply bad strategy.

Cruisin'

Tonight, I leave on an extended roadtrip. I have things in storage in Atlanta, GA and so I will make my way, from Houston, TX - by way of Austin - to Atlanta and then turn around and drive through New Orleans back, to Houston. Me, being the travel junkie I am, can't wait to cruise for the next five days. Some people can't stand driving days on end. Those people, didn't grow up in Texas, where everyone drives everywhere. Need to go to the cornerstore? Let me grab my keys. Need to go to dinner to a friend's house in the neighborhood? Let me grab my keys. Want to go the park and let the kids and dogs roam free? Where the hell did I put my keys?!? (You get the gist.) We Texans drive, a lot. And in Houston, we drive a whole lot. If a gas station doesn't provide the luxuries of a rest stop - that gas station ain't gonna last in the Texas market - way to play smart Volero (formerly known as Diamond Shamrock).

What makes a person a travel junkie? What is it about a person that makes them want to live out of a bag, eat on the fly, and play to the mercy of new regions and different time zones? Maybe we all assume it's a free spirit. I hear road trip and I picture "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" ( i.e. drug binge across the Nevada desert with nothing but the open road). However, with a full time job, a full time family (see: extended family), and a master plan to take over the world of entertainment (stops and smiles as paparazzo takes a picture from across the street), I just don't have the time to get hooked on any drugs. Maybe after I date Lindsay Lohan, but that's only if Britney turns me down. And even then, who has time to take a drug induced road trip then - Even Willie Nelson got caught smoking pot... ON HIS OWN TOUR BUS.

Anyhow, self medication aside, I am very excited about this trip. I'm a free spirit, in a extremely practical, well articulated kind of way. I go with the flow, I generally swim with the tide. I'd say that I'm pretty laid back. It's the rest of the world that's neurotic, and of course - when in Rome. Sometimes, I get caught up in the storm and I find myself raising hell on a surface level. It's on accident, I don't mean to go through the motions without thinking. I don't plan on getting hung up on the small stuff that don't really effect my world. I don't plan on getting involved in situations that waste my effort, energy, and time - but thus is life, and I am in Rome (in a metaphorical, "I also live in the world" sense). So yes, I surely don't mind spending the next five days cruisin'.

I lived in Salt Lake City for eight months. Besides the extremely interesting dynamic provided by the Mormons that run shit there (quite impressive actually), I loved my experience there. Along with being abnormally beautiful (as in the taste of Mormons), it was a refreshingly laxed place to live. People spent time walking their dogs in the park, riding clean public transit, reading at the library, and stopping to stare at the mountains looming in the distance. It was kind of nice. I kind of appreciated that about SLC, and I hope to recapture that.

All of this leads into the idea of time. Time - ever changing, always flowing. Do you fight it, or do you use it? I have heard time compared to water - but what does that mean? Disney's Pocahontas said "what I love most about rivers is, you can't step into the same river twice" and, when I am at my best, I often find myself thinking time in the same matter. Yeah - I'm definitely looking forward to the drive...

Gray Area

I read blogs. It passes the time and generally I find it an effective way to keep myself entertained. Well today, as I was fulfilling my blog fix, I came across this entry about our inner hypocrite. The blogger titled his entry "Self-Justification" and dissected our ability to inappropriately justify ourselves when we act out this inner hypocrisy. In English: even if we don't believe in lying, we're all capable of tell our friend we love her haircut, when we really think it looks like a shiatsu died on her head. I mean, it's cool - we all do it - we tell a little lie, a fib to make the moment go just a bit smoother. Whether we do it to someone else or ourselves, we're all guilty of using our inner hypocrisy to candy coat our darker instincts.

Which is why I have always found "honest" people so fascinating. I look in the mirror and I see an honest guy. I'm pretty much a straight shooter (latent pun). I believe the people in my world would agree, I pretty much always tell the truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God. Well, that is, until my life, my dignity, money, sex, or food is at risk. Then I get into a little "white lie zone" where I might puff up my chest a little bit bigger, smile a little bit wider, and/or overlook a few of the facts. Depending on what's at risk, I could see myself (not that I really ever do it - I just know I am very capable, as are you) just straight up bearing false witness. Case in point: "I did not have sexual allegations with that woman." It intrigues me that "honest" people don't come out and say this about themselves. An honest man is a man who honestly knows he's capable of lying.

What inspired this entry was a noble idea presented in that blog I was reading. He made a statement that he was glad that everything he writes is set and documented, thereby provoking him to stay true to his own ideals and belief system. He even stated that if he were ever caught being a hypocrite, that he would appreciate his readers to let him know - as if at the time, he wouldn't be aware. (Yeah, I'm sure). My thoughts: first of all, we aren't black or white, good or evil. We're people. We're all gray area, and in my opinion, those actively labelling this as right and that as wrong, are simpletons that choose not to grasp the depth of our human nature. Sure, it would be great to just pick a side. We wake up each morning, basking in the light, full of the very goodness of the Lord. Can't you see it: helping grandmothers with their grocery bags, spending free time changing illegal immigrants into legal citizens with purpose in our country, sharing pure joy to every person you meet. Yeah, I wish. I'm not like that, at least not everyday, all the time. It'd be hard to convince me you're like that too. You have human impulses that exist outside of your own righteousness. (Even if you do give to charity voluntarily.)

The point: understand that you are gray area. You are defined by a universe you will never fully comprehend and circumstances you cannot foresee. However, people do respond to you better if you are classifiable. The key to effectively taking one stance is our ability to see the other side. Is it not our ability to engage our hypocritical nature that leads us to understand the opposing viewpoint? Beware of the man who doesn't acknowledge he's able to see it and do it in a different light. Con man's work best wardrobed in classy business suits. It is wise to understand that we are all capable of anything that lends itself to our own survival. Something to think about.

You callin' me a racist?

When I told my dad that I was going to trade in my pen and paper for ballet shoes, he stereotypically objected. "But you're a writer - it's what you do. You might like dancing a lot, you might even grow to love it. But, you just don't trade in your passion - and you definitely don't deny the gift God gives you." Needless to say, I pretty much took this with a grain of salt, and since then, have considered my experiences (which include finals in the auditioning process of a national television show, a stint studying with a 40 year old modern dance company, scholarships to various dance intensives around the country, and of course my beloved degree) as giving a huge finger to my dad's initial statement. I can attest that since then he has become much more supportive of "Jonathan: the dancer". He also hasn't been the only one to let me know I could be potentially ruining my life in becoming a professional dancer. When I called my father to let him know I was being flown to Vegas because I had made it to the audition finals of that show on television (alluded above), I slipped in a sardonic "and who would have thought it would have ever come to this - certainly not you at the beginning." It's true, I'm an ass. However, my dad took this sarcasm well, and he should have - I did learn the art of insinuating a brutally honest comment into casual conversation from him. I do see this often in my line of work. I call it racism of a different sort; the idea that artists don't have the stability that corporate types have in their careers. Here's where, if you could see me right now, I would break into an artistic movement interpretation on the fall of Enron. Gotta love Corporate America.

I like that my dad is a scary man. Him and his brother. Both are huge towering black men, thick necks, calves the size of my head, shoulders broad enough to block out the sun, biceps like watermelons. It has been said to me, "Jonathan, it's not even like you're that black" (don't even get me started on what the hell that is supposed to mean - I'm quite curious as to how all black people should be...) However, people's latent racism becomes silenced whenever I'm escorted by my dad. I really dig that. I dig that his stature and his presence can shift other people's perception of me. It can be said, and I would agree, I am at no means the most culturally ethnic black man to graze the earth. I listen to country music all the time, I'll take a cowboy boot over a nice pair of Jordan's any day, and I pronounce the number four as "forrre" instead of "pho". (On a side note: I do drive a Chevrolet, which T.I. and Mary J. Blige also drive, and though it doesn't really count since I refer to my car as "a Chevy", I do agree that Cadillacs are the king of the road. Only black people say that... and Elvis, but he's got soul.) However, none of this has anything to do with the color of my skin, or the history of my ancestors in this country. A number of people, friends and foe alike, have mentioned my "blackness" and I have in turn, found them guilty of being kinda racist. Even if you steal a stick of gum, you're still a thief.

However, I'll admit that we are all kind of racist. There's that musical, Ave Q, that has this song I love called "Everyone's a Little Racist" that points this out by way of shiny lights on Broadway. Oh, how I appreciate creative endeavors that express our warped human nature. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine about racism. In that context, she was telling me that she was grateful for Mexicans, Asians, Middle Eastern/Indians, Caucasians, Blacks (including both African Americans and everyone else that's black, as black people do come from all over the world), and Jews for their work in the following trades: Lawn mowing services, providing manicures and pedicures, eyebrow tweeking, corporate America/American government, providing good music to bump to, and always being able to show the world that one can make smart financial choices. (Notice how I never actually paired any one service with any one ethnic group).

The point: while you might have a prejudice, based in race, career fields, or class status, it is advantageous to recognize that other people also have a prejudice. Smart people can't stand stupid people. Europeans think Americans pushy, self centered, and opportunistic. Gay men can't stand "straight bars". Tom doesn't like Jerry. It is what it is. But you can use this to your full advantage. How might you ask? Did you think I was gong to tell you? I can't very well give away that gem in this post. Stay tuned.

Moonquake: the darker side of ourselves

Chances are when you looked at yourself in the mirror this morning you did not think to yourself, "Honestly, I am such an ass. Be that as it may, today I'm actively going to deceive the world and play hero, when deep inside, I sure would appreciate it if someone gave a damn and rescued me for a change." As honest as you make yourself out to be, I would find it so startling to walk into your bathroom one morning just as you say to yourself with the utmost conviction, "I may be a control freak that believes in always having the upper hand in every situation but what excites me most about living this day is how meek and passive everyone is going to believe I am."

I'm not debating whether these things are true or not. It's quite possible these thoughts do run through your head. But I imagine, it's at a low frequency. It's a subtle thought, not even completely conveyed to yourself in complete sentences. The point: unless you are actively trying to deceive (as you might be for strategic reasons), most likely you wear the person you come across with little discomfort and a fair amount of acceptance. Sure, you might not be the most humble person, but because of your modest clothing and your reserved manner, people never would think that you envision yourself a god among men. I mean sure, you may not see yourself as power hungry and ridiculously talented, but people seem to - and this gets you ahead without you actually having to be super aggressive and overly ambitious. We're all guilty of this all of the time. We pick an exterior people accept, albeit it ambitious, gifted, sullen, positive, negative, meek, gregarious - and we play into it. But we all have another side - people have often called it character. I am convinced that in pinpointing people's character, you can interact with people much more effectively. Understanding the nature of people is a science we all could benefit from. After all, we're constantly interacting: friends, family, coworkers, old ladies at the super market. It becomes advantageous to ask, "what is going on in their head?"

We're all guilty of the other side of ourselves. Private Thoughts. Preferred Habits. Basic Instincts - we either can't or won't control. We are all guilty of projecting the most acceptable image of ourselves out into the world: we come across meek and quiet, yet we harbor an unfulfilled desire to control the dynamic of every situation. We come across boisterous and confident, yet we're constantly hiding our poor self image and our people pleasing tendencies. We come across stoic and cruel, but inside we know ourselves to be humble and self sacrificing. For whatever reason we keep ourselves hidden. We could endlessly investigate why and how effectively we do this. We could endlessly explore the shifting of one's character on the darker side - the "moon" side.

However, this isn't about self investigation - how you work, how you feel, what you're hiding. This isn't about you - how to better refrain yourself from your darker impulses or give in to your truer nature. Let's leave that to the myriad of self helps books and the legions of shrinks. Instead, let's discuss everyone else - how they work, what they feel, what they're hiding. Because ultimately it proves wise to understand who you are dealing with at any given moment. Remember, it never bodes well for the Shepherd who could not spot the wolf in sheep's clothing...